What do you see when you look in the mirror?

[Lori]

I find this a fascinating question. What do women see and say to themselves when they see their reflection. Are we able to see our strength, our wisdom, our real beauty or are we so conditioned to examining our flaws that we blind ourselves to seeing ourselves accurately.

I just started reading the book, "About Face". A collection of stories written by various women about what they see when they look in the mirror. It's truly fascinating and insightful.

I would love to hear what other women see and think when they look in the mirror.

[Angela]

Unfortunately, I'm unable to see anything positive when I look in the mirror. I see the big pimple on my face, or the dark circles under my eyes....but mostly I see the extra pounds I carry from my first son. I've read that some women wear this extra weight as a badge of honor - their entry into motherhood and they are proud for their belly pooch. I tried that and it hasn't worked. I see rolls and cellulite and a belly and I'm not happy about it! There are some days I leave the house without even looking in a full-length mirror. Sometimes I don't feel as big as I think I look, and then I get a glimpse of myself in a mirror, or a store window - or I see a photo and then I immediately think, oh yeah, I'm fat.

[Lori]

Dear Angela,

Thank you so much for being so honest and open. Reading your response made me feel sad and angry. Why is it that we women have such difficulty feeling good about ourselves? Why is it such a challenge to really look at ourselves in the mirror and see our beauty and our strength? I wonder what your son sees when he looks at you? I imagine he sees a beautiful mother, someone who is caring, empathic, loving and strong. I hope that you will be able to see these things in yourself. I am getting ready to be a mother myself. I am 5 mos pregnant and do confess that I worry about how my body will respond after giving birth. I do worry that I won't be able to lose the 'baby weight' and wonder how i will cope. I hope though that i will be patient w/ myself and try to focus on the beauty of being imperfect.

Maybe it would be helpful if you practice looking in the mirror and stating "i am beautiful". It may be quite challenging at first, but over time you may find that it's absolutely true. Thanks for being a real beauty and sharing your truth in the forum.

Have a great day
xoxo

[Elizabeth]

this is a tough question, too. like angela, i have a hard time seeing the good things about myself. but some days are good and i feel sexy all day. but lately, with college, i have a hard time finding time to work out so i've gained some pounds. you know, i can look at women who don't look like models and aren't the beauty ideal and think they are beautiful. why can't i see myself like that? all those polls say normal, average sized women often think they are fat when they aren't. so sometimes i wonder if i'm one of those women and i'm not as big as i think i am (not that it would matter). how do we become so blinded that we can't even see what we REALLY look like?! i would love for one day to see how i look to other people. i might be surprised by what i see.... maybe i'm not as unattractive as i think. though, when i watch "how to look good naked", i can see myself in a new way. that maybe my "flaws" aren't really that bad. i'm not scared to look in the mirror. but some days when i do look, i get very downhearted and a little depressed.

[KirstenIVYHill]

Hi Elizabeth, I think you are a natural beauty! A tip for you, every morning (or whenever you have 15 minutes of free time) do ten pushups, situps, and jumping jacks. It will get your heart rate up, give you energy and best of all, it will put a smile on your face. This way, you won't be angry if you can't make it to the gym for a full hour workout. For more advice like this, sign up to be a member at www.herfuture.com . You can find awesome tips in the nutrition and health POWER POSSE!

[Rebecca]

For me, it varies with the day, how I feel and who's around me. When I'm happy, I can look at myself and smile, seeing how beautiful I am despite what I may not like about my appearance. When I'm feeling alone or depressed, or even just frustrated, I look at myself and only see the bad. I see extra weight, I see black heads, I see any sort of bump or knick or blotch, what have you.. I see messy hair, bags under my eyes, redness on my cheeks. The list goes on. I've been having a lot more good days than bad, though. My boyfriend has been helping me think more positively than before and because of that, I'm starting to love myself again.

[KirstenIVYHill]

Such an interesting discussion to have! As we all know, true beauty shines from within us. From "doing the work" daily, I now have a higher self-esteem. When I look in the mirror, I see a woman who has driven in an uphill battle AND a woman who is learning to buckle her seat belt and enjoy the ride. I see a woman who is content with the challenges she faces and is striving to get to her version of a high plateau. One thing I did in the past (recommended by Gabrielle Bernstein founder of www.herfuture.com) is to post warm messages to yourself on mirrors, in your notebooks, or even in an email to yourself. This can sound silly but it works! xoxo thank you for sharing your light, Real Beauty Is.. If any females are interested in learning more tips to help you love yourself, find them at www.herfuture.com the place for women to find a mentor or be a mentor. Share you love and light!

[Andrea Roe]

During my eating disorder struggles, I would look in the mirror, many times even stare at myself—my body and face—for hours and I hated what I saw. I hated myself and everything about me. All I saw were flaws. I felt so ugly, like a monster. I felt like everything was “wrong” with me. And many times I would hide in my room, crying, punishing myself.

Today, I look in the mirror and I see a person. I see ME! And what is even more amazing is that I like what I see. I don’t criticize myself, I don’t pick on myself, I don’t beat myself up. Today, I actually look in the mirror and I smile at myself. I’m comfortable in my body and about my body.

There are no more voices in my head telling me ‘I am fat’, ‘I am ugly’ and ‘worthless’. These voices are GONE.

There are many things that helped me accept, love and embrace myself. And I’d like to share a couple of these things with you.

- I stayed away from celebrity and beauty magazines and TV shows. Even though there was a part of me that wanted to look at all these pictures, I knew it was poisonous for my mind—so I stayed away from them during my recovery process. Whenever I saw these *perfect* celebrities I would start comparing myself with them and beat myself up because I didn’t look like them. So for me the solution was learning not to pay attention to this information.

- I stopped weighing myself. I used to weigh myself a couple of times a day and the number on the scale would determine how I felt. This number had so much power over me—it was in control. So I broke this unhealthy obsession, from one day to the other. And even though I was scared and tried to avoid getting rid of the scale with all different kinds of excuses, I did it anyways. And getting rid of my scale was a HUGE step forward in my recovery. I urge you to get rid of your scale. They don’t do you any good—all they do is make you feel worse about yourself! With breaking your obsession with the scales, you are freeing yourself from an essential part of your eating disorder.

- I would look in the mirror and say something nice about myself. I would say “I love you” and “I am beautiful.” I did that every day. Yes, it was very painful. I felt like I was lying to myself. I *knew* I was ugly and worthless and saying all these *nice things* just felt so wrong. But I stuck with it. And after some time, the things I said slowly started to feel real and I slowly started to like my appearance. Baby steps.

We are all beautiful. We are all unique. We deserve to be loved! Let’s embrace ourselves!

Andrea

[Rebecca Alley]

When I look in the mirror I see a mother of a 19 month old who can not seem to loose the baby pooch. I also see black heads, large pores, zits, frizzy curly hair and much more. I am so tired of being like this yet I seem to continue on this path. How do I change it? I want to be the girl in the mirror who sees beauty and does not pick herself apart. Any tips on reaching that goal?
Becky

[Ayiss]

I have to admit I like looking at myself in the mirror. Not because I'm particularly vain, I mean I'm pretty ordinary, belly fat and cellulite and eyebags and whatnot. But I think it's like this: people in general are nice to look at. There is always something about the human form and energy that mesmerizes, especially when you think of the motivations and emotions which make people express themselves, especially for the times you know it's not a conscious thing on their part. But since it's rude to stare at people, you get your fill by looking at yourself as much as you can. Does that make sense? I am attracted not so much by the actual visual aesthetic, but more by the underlying, say, mystery.

The only thing that makes me concerned is how society makes unrealistic expectations of how people, women in particular, should look like. Men, being the more visual of the sexes, become especially susceptible to this skewed image of women. When I think of the fact that my guy would look at me and compare me to an imposed -- yes, imposed -- aesthetic standard, that is when I worry.

One interesting thing that I have found to be helpful is to... stretch. Not any particular kind of stretching, just so you can feel every part of your body and be appreciative of how healthy it feels. You won't be so conscious of any extra padding you have while you do it. It helps me sleep better, too, which in turn helps me keep a more positive outlook the following day. That is probably the most genuine feeling of physical beauty that I get.

Sorry, that was rather long-winded. :P